Does it sometimes feel like you’re not on the same page when dating? One reason is most people do not ask the right questions from the very start.
Looking at my past experiences and the experiences of others, we can get so lost in the physical appearance or attraction that we somehow forget the important things.
We don’t ask what a person is looking for at this time in their life. Meaning, once the person makes initial contact we don’t ask, “Hey, what type of relationship are you looking for at this time in your life?”
Our brains are wired to think – Oh, they are interested so they must want a relationship.That couldn’t be farther from the truth! Somewhere there has been a disconnect on how dating works.
Dating is supposed to be for asking questions and seeing if you are a match in more ways than just the physical attraction.
We have somehow missed the mark. We don’t ask the basic questions because we are afraid the other person may think we’re looking for more.
In reality, isn’t that the point? Each person needs to know what the other is looking for in a man or woman to determine if they are even a potential match. Not finding this out early causes a lot of pain in the long run that could’ve easily been avoided. We assume we are a match just by the physical attraction but that’s not what’s important.
What’s important is knowing if the person wants a long-term relationship leading to marriage, or if it’s not something they see in their future.
We are afraid to have real conversations with each other so we avoid having them. We complicate things with this way of dating and cause ourselves pain and hurt in the long run.
It’s almost like we are intrigued with the guessing games. We’d rather try to figure out if we’re a match for one another rather than ask questions.
From my own experience, I’ve noticed that some men shut down because they automatically think a woman has placed him at the alter after being asked certain questions. Have you ever experienced that?
The men that do that [I feel] don’t really understand women. Yes, marriage is what the ultimate goal should be for both parties, if that's what's wanted. As the old saying goes, “women mature faster than men”. The reason why women need to ask these important questions is to see what the mans intentions are for their future.
We don’t want to waste time with someone who’s not looking for what we want. That’s not rushing a man to the alter, That’s just assuring that our time will not be wasted.
A minister once said “Women are happiest when they are single because they can control their own destiny.”
There is some truth to that; However, women can be happy in a committed relationship when she knows her partner is supportive of her individual goals as well as their combined goals.
Men need to understand the reason women ask questions is to assure he has plans for his destiny plus hers when she commits to him.
I often wonder why we choose to make dating so complicated in the early stages rather than ask questions. Asking those important questions actually gives each person the opportunity to make a decision.
They can determine if they want to continue moving forward or not after the first few dates. The most important thing is to tell a person exactly what you desire in a relationship.
When you are open and honest, this respectfully allows both parties to evaluate those desires and themselves to determine if they are a fit or not. This makes dating a whole heck of a lot easier with no guess work involved.
Here’s an example, one person is not looking for anything serious, is just dating, and wants to see other people. This was never discussed. The other person is looking for marriage and stability. This was never discussed either. Can you see where this is headed?
Couple months into it the person wanting marriage is in love and thinking they are on the right track for commitment. The other person is still seeing other people and not looking for a committed relationship.
This is how easy assuming can go wrong and cause unnecessary pain. When you're dating there should be no pressure or guess work!
It should be two adults getting to know each other and what they want out of life either with or without a partner.
Be willing to ask questions like your valuable time and future depends on it because it does! Make sure that you know you are spending your time with the right person instead of guessing. Life is way too short to play guessing games!
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You can ask these questions over the phone and he'll never know he's being interviewed 😉. Questions number 3, 9 and 10 will let you know exactly what the person wants and why you should or should not date them.
Ladies, once you know this, dating will be fun! Now you know you're with a person who is on the same page from the very beginning! There will be more important questions later as you're dating but this is a great start!
Thank you and I hope this information was helpful for you. Make sure you share this with others that may also need a boost in their confidence.
Visit my website @www.goddessqueens.com to join the 21 day GQ Love YourSelf Challenge or my 5 week Orgasmic Freedom Flow Course.